Kerry Running for Jesus

Newton, IA - Democratic Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards announced on Monday that his presidential running-mate, John Kerry, will assume the role of Jesus if
voted into the White House.

"If we do the work that we can do in this country, the work that we will do when John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve will get up out of that wheelchair and walk again," Edwards told a crowd in Newton, Iowa.

Edwards campaign spokesman Mark Kornblau later elaborated on the announcement: "Yes, if elected, John Kerry will be ascending to the position of Jesus. Why? Because a Jesus Kerry could garner the support of other deities in this war on heathenism, instead of just going it alone like Jesus Christ."

Republican Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist angrily fired back, "These comments are cruel to people who have disabilities and chronic diseases, and, on top of that, they're dishonest. We all know there is only one Jesus: George W. Bush."